The focus of the sporting world is about to shift to China as Beijing hosts the 24th Winter Olympic Games.
They’re just like the Summer Olympic Games! Just, you know, ice and snow and stuff.
Much like their warm weather counterparts, the Winter Olympics will bring out the so called ‘experts’ who love to attach themselves to a niche sport and spout knowledge on it as if they’ve watched it their entire lives.
Spoiler alert: they’ve only just heard of it!
Never fear though, our dummy’s guide to the Winter Olympics will have you conversing with Colin in sales on a high level the next time he tries to bring up ‘that Cool Runnings event’.
Let’s take a look at the events you’ll learn to love across the next fortnight.
Winter Olympics Events: Biathlon
This one’s simple. Imagine a kid growing up in a ski town with a nerf gun thinking ‘boy I wish I could ski around and shoot stuff’.
Well guess what little Timmy? You can win a gold medal doing exactly that at the Winter Olympics!
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Winter Olympics Events: Bobsled
We’ve all seen Cool Runnings. If you haven’t, once you’ve finished reading this blog and all our other top quality content, go and seek it out.
It tells you all you need to know about the bobsled and why the Jamaicans are always the team to follow!
Winter Olympics Events: Skeleton
Ever been to the water park and gone down the waterslide headfirst and thought ‘wow, that was frightening! I don’t think I’ll do that again!’
Now picture flying down rock-hard ice at speeds of 130km/h on a glorified skateboard. That’s skeleton for you, and it’s awesome.
Winter Olympics Events: Short track speed skating
Remember that blonde haired bloke Steven Bradbury that won a gold medal when everyone else fell over? Yeah, that sport.
Whens Steve Bradbury up? #Speedskate 16 years ago… no way! pic.twitter.com/V0hGjxVPZ3
— Hodgo (@Hodgjo) February 13, 2018
Winter Olympics Events: Curling
Ever thought what would happen if you got a gigantic rock, slid it across ice and brushed in front of it with a broom until it eventually hit other rocks inside a circle?
What, you haven’t? Just us then?
Well that’s curling, and it’s lowkey enthralling.
Winter Olympics Events: Luge
Much like skeleton, luge is combatants (because they deserve a loftier title than athletes) heading down the ice – but at least these guys have the good sense to go down feet first.